My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
