I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
