Your face is a jimmy john
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
