My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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