Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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