so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
