I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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