you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
