I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
