Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
