my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
