even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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