we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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