You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
