Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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