OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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