this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
