you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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