Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
