last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
