How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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