My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
