apparently the secret to your success is patron
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize