Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
