I'm drive I can fine osifer
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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