somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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