Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
