so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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