Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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