Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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