I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
