I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You have to summon your inner elephant
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
