I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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