I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
