I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
