he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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