I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
