I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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