i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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