remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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