I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
