Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
