I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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