she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
