She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
