is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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