# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
