I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
