Screwed.edu
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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