My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
