Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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