Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
