so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
