Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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