Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
