I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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