Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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