Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
