he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
